Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
