i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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