haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
