Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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