You really coming over, don't trick.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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