We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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