Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
