his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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