You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
