I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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