Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
