Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
