so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
