I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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