babies were throwing up all over the place
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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