The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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