i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
