i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
