all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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