nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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