If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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