Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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