Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
