dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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