They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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