She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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