Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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