Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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