My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
