nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
