I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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