my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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