He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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