8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
