Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
