I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You just made me feel so damn special
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
