I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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