This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You may now shotgun with the bride
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
