i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
