Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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