look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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