Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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