Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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