and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
