Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
