i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
