I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
