Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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