All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
