oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
