You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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