We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i've created a new STD.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
