kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
did i walk over a car last night?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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