Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Naked. naked and bneed help.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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