I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize
