Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
